I decided to make a plaque for my boobs (the project 6 boobs not my actual boobs). I went to Home Depot, bought a board, varnish, and other accoutrements. When I came home I went out to my back deck to start varnishing my plaque. The directions read: first, apply a thin layer. Let dry 6 hours before applying second layer. I began painting and when I was finished set the board aside and picked up the can to read instructions about getting varnish off skin. As I was picking up the can it slipped through my paint-slicked fingers and fell to the ground spilling the contents everywhere. Did I mention I live in a 4th floor walk up? The varnish traveled from the spot of spilling, out the back door, down the fire escape and was headed straight for the hood of my landlord's brand new silver Eclipse. I said my share of "shits" and "fucks", gathered old newspaper, paper towels, and anything else that could sop up the mess I had made. But I wasn't quick enough. A tiny bit of varnish landed on the new ride. I stared down the steep fire escape for a moment--unable to fathom what had just happened. Did I also mention my land lord is more than anal and is suspected by tenants to have obsessive compulsive disorder? My heart was pounding, I was shaking (both from the cold and fear of being evicted), what the fuck was I going to do? Many things ran through my mind; lie, move, blame it on the
3rd floor tenants, but none of this was going to work. After cleaning my deck I went inside. I was just sitting down to smoke a cigarette by the fire place when I heard a knock on the door. Doom. I knew it was him coming to take me down. I answered the door, explained I had been painting on the back deck but was unaware of the paint that had fallen onto his car. In the end, the tiny bit of varnish on his car came off, and I ended up having to scrub the trash can lids to rid them of their new paint job. I guess by point/request of this story is: do I get an A on project 6 due to hard work and mental anguish?
